They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
