Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
