You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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