Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
