I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
