so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
is it fun? or sober?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
