you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
