Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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