Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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