Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Randomize
