you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
