Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
