why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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