I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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