You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
