i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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