He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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