You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
