I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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