Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
