isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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