I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My balls are so social today.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
