just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
