first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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