From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
