i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am available for nakedness
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
