We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
