I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
a search helicopter?!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
