We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
