In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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