"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
