Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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