Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
