he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sext me about skeletons
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
