we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
zippers are such a cool invention
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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