When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
