Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
