Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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