Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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