I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
