i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
