Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
