I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize