Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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