What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
