i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
