i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
