Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
