Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
