I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Rumble strips road head = magical
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
