It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
