I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she told me i tasted like america
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
