what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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