he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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