Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We left the knife in your bed.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
