he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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