If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Never let your siblings swipe right.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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